I really want to put forth this question.
When we are hooked up in narcissistic abuse (in our “normal” life of gauging things from the “outside in”) our real life experiences tell us that this person, the narcissist, is brutalising us like our worst enemy – relentlessly and manically. As if this person is taking incredible pleasure doing so … and for whatever reason he or she won’t let up.
We also have the compounding horror that we seem to be trapped in this! Why can’t we walk away? We can’t we leave? And even if we have physically we can’t seem to emotionally. And why do we keep getting drawn back in time and time again?
If we are honest with ourselves we know that the torture in some crazy way extends to the way we are torturing ourselves.
But is that it? Is that the whole picture, or is there something more going on here?
I promise you the deep exploration of this question: what can you learn from the narcissist’s punishment? is the Thriver Model, and it is a fundamental key to recovery – the understanding of how much the narcissist is in fact the messenger of something deeper that we need to understand.
In this article I am going to share with you the deeper truths about what we can learn and heal from the hideous torture, and how this bears incredible gifts.
How Narcissists Target Wounds
Narcissists connect with you deeply – or so it seems. And this is exactly how a narcissist needs to operate, because they fear people. You see narcissists are hugely insecure, they have fragile egos, they don’t trust others, and their beliefs and behaviours are very egoic (outer survival based) and steeped in fear, competition, lack and neediness.
This means that narcissists need to control others. Somewhere in their past they learnt that their True Self was not adequate to get its needs met, and what was required to not be emotionally annihilated was a False Self – a buffer – that could pretend to be someone who the narcissist is not and manipulate, deceive and avoid accountability. The False Self defences are this: “If I control you, you can’t hurt me again”.